I Was The Secret In Your Life

I don’t know that I was the only one. You’re shady. You aren’t always honest. You aren’t clear. And sometimes, I don’t think I know you.

So here’s what I want. I want you. I want to you to want me. I want you to want me first. I want there to be no one else. I want it to be me.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to stop dwelling. I’m going to stop watching the phone. I’m going to stop looking for you. I’m going to move on. I’m going to meet people. I’m going to live.

I’m going to forget all the nights I spent wishing you were here.

I’m going to forget the times that it was just us.

I’m going to forget the things that shouldn’t have happened.

I’m going to forget all the times I opened myself up to let you in, to only get hurt in return.

I’m going to forget how I felt about you.

Instead, I’m going to subconsciously wait. If you really want me, if you miss me, if you can’t breathe without me, you’ll know. You’ll ring. You’ll text. You’ll visit. And if you drift, if you don’t call, if there’s no texts, if there’s no visits. I’ll know. I’ll know it was never meant to be. And I will continue moving on. And I’m going to walk tall.

But in between everything I will forget, I won’t forget the lesson I’ve learnt. I won’t forget the feeling of loving someone. I won’t forget the feeling of thinking I’m loved. And I will certainly not forget the hell I was put through to learn all this, to become a better person.

I remember you telling me that ‘you’re never the same person twice’. Good. I never want to be this person again. And I am going to do whatever I can to make sure I am the best me I can be. I don’t want to be your best version. This time, it’s for me.

Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan

SATU MALAYSIA MENJANA TRANSFORMASI

(*_*)

And So I Wonder If There Will Ever Be A Chance For You To Love Me

I've never been so sure of anything. It's like, I've finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear, and those nervous butterflies that everyone keeps talking about. You wanna know how I know? Because when I'm with you, I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me. But they don't make me wanna run the other direction, like the fear has done before. If anything, they make me wanna press myself as close as I can to you- skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat, because when I do that, the butterflies quiet their wings for a bit and they let me feel you. Feel all of you. And it's in those moments that I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level. It's the kind of fear you feel right before you turn on a bright light after hours of being in the dark- just a few seconds before you open your eyes to see something so beautiful, something you couldn't see before. For the first time in my life, I don't wanna run away. I wanna be with you, I want all of you.

But you don't want me, and as you go from person to person, hurting when they hurt you, you're overlooking something so important. You know that I love you, and you've told me nothing about your heart, your feelings. It doesn't make sense that you would continue to go for persons that you know will break your heart, when I'm here- loving you endlessly. So you know what I think? I think that you're scared. You're scared that it's possible for someone to love you as much as I do, and you don't want me to get hurt. But honey, what you don't seem to understand, is that I'm that one person who would never hurt you even though you hurt me thousand of times.

Even though it's breaking my heart, I will keep waiting for you to realize what is right here. I dare you to love me back, because I'm that person that you're looking for. The one that won't hurt you, will never leave you, will cherish you and will always love you. Always have, always will.That's me. I love you so much.

I love you.

You know i do.

~xoxo~

I Love This Song..!!!

Is Love Fear..??

Give Me A Break Will Ya..??

I hate what you’re doing to me.

I’ve become one of those girls I used to cringe at. I use to think it was a joke, girls and guys going out at my age. We’re so young at heart and the chances are, we’re not going to marry out of high school, have a couple of kids and grow old together. That just rarely happens. So I never liked anyone. It was pointless, enjoy the single life while you’re young and when you grow up a bit, that’s when you think about relationships. But like I said, I’ve become one of those girls. It scares me. I’ve known you since I met you last fall. I’m comfortable with you, and it’s been 3 months of liking you. A feeling of insanity that I am consciously aware of but can’t do anything about. I don’t know if it’s love. I guess it’s not. But it’s close to it. A boy stands in front of a mirror for half an hour each morning before school preparing himself to look good in hopes that he might see the person he liked that day even though the chances were 1 in 10, it must be close to love, or obsession at least.

And I hate it. Because I’m not the only one that’s changed. You have too. You’re becoming a part of that group that I hate. Who only meet together because the idea of being friends with each other is appealing, not because you’re genuinely friends, it’s not what we had. You’re beginning to think too highly of yourself. You act too arrogant for me now, like it wouldn’t mean anything to you if I were just to go away. And it kills me. I can feel the separation and as much as i hate you for what you’re becoming, i still like you. Every time i see you I fall right back to where I was when I saw you coincidentally and realized i liked you.

I can’t be wearing myself out for you. And each day I believe i’m becoming more like myself again. With each day that i think about you less, I know I’m leading towards what is better for me. But there are no days yet that I go without thinking about you. And the part of me that thinks about you doesn’t want to stop. And it’s tearing me apart. I literally feel this ache inside me when I think about you, how is that possible?

And then I remind myself that you’re becoming a completely different person. And maybe, once you fully develop into the other you, I won’t like you anymore, because you're not the real you. But then there’s the fucking ache of thinking that i’ll lose you, as a friend. A best friend. So what am I to do? All I can come to right now is to sit and watch this play out, and hope to God that you don’t disappear into someone else.

Please don’t disappear. Please give me a reason to stop liking you.

Please, stop what you’re doing to me.

Can I Wear These In Egypt..??